Yep, first off, it’s been a while since I wrote here.. sorry about that.
2nd off, the reason I came back. 10 years, it’s really been 10 years. You might be asking what in the world am I prattling on about… the answer to your question could be found here.
If you don’t want to read a 4 year old post, I guess I could give you the skinny.
It was only 6 years when I wrote that post, and while not much has changed, a lot seems to have changed.
So, 10 years ago, I was wheeled into an operating room with promises of returning to “normal” for what that serves as a status quo for me then. Needless to say, that “normal” was never reached. When I woke up, I couldn’t see the details of the room around me, I couldn’t really even see where my parents were sitting at my bed side. It was terrifying, but I felt the need to stay calm for the sake of not freaking my parents out. That’s me, always thinking of everyone else first.
I was told not to worry, things just needed time to adjust, my vision would be back in a couple of weeks. I thought, “Ok, no big deal, I can handle this for a few weeks.”
Well, a few weeks turned into a couple of months, and then I finally got a doctor to tell me the truth no one else wanted to say to an 18 year old girl fresh out of high school. “What vision you have now is all you will ever have, and I can’t promise it won’t get worse over time.”
That was a gut punch that I couldn’t take like nothing happened. I broke down, right there in the doctor office, ugly crying and all. I was just 1 step away from hysteria. I think if I could have talked, I probably would have been hysterical, but thankfully, I had no words, only tears.
What do you say to that? How do you react? Is there a right or wrong thing to say or do? I don’t think so, but I’m a firm believer that everyone deals differently.
One thing that cheered me up and drove me crazy at the same time was people saying to me “You are taking this so well. You don’t even look down about the whole situation, that’s really amazing.”
How could I go around showing the world my devastation? What good would that have done? I had it in my head, the best way to deal with something is to accept it and move on. Something from a distantly remembered Proverb about not being able to change things out of your control… and yeah, this was waaay out of my control.
I felt it inspirational to me that people didn’t notice I was sad, devastated and utterly lost.
I’ll spare you and myself all the bad thoughts I had, and pushed aside because once again, “What good will that do?”. That thought, along with my feeling of responsibility to hold it together for my friends and family probably got me through the 2nd worst time in my life. I say 2nd, because even though I was a small girl when my dad died, that still has to be the worst experience, losing a parent.
I now want to move forward, sharing all the other stuff that’s happened since that fateful day in 2006.
As a result of that day, I realized where I made some less than stellar decisions and put myself on a course to fix that. That course wasn’t probably the best way to deal, but the end result was worth it I think.
As a result of that course, I found the love of my life, the person who completes me and makes me feel like the most special person in the world sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, we aren’t like star crossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet or anything, but that also will probably be the difference in mutual destruction and something that lasts a long, long time. I fell in love with Taylor Scott at a time in my life where that was the last thing I was looking for. Guess it’s true, you always get what you don’t expect when it is least expected.
He’s been my rock, my sounding board, my cheerleader, and most of all my voice of reason. I couldn’t ask for a better person to share my life with.
That’s probably the number 1 thing that has come out of the past 10 years.
Next has been the transitions I’ve experienced, losing some friends, making others. That was a real life lesson that everyone should experience I think. It is hard losing friends, and even harder making new ones. I think I can safely say that after Taylor, my 2 best friends are people I have never met. They exist strictly on the internet and over the phone, but I couldn’t ask for better people to put up with me and my crazy antics. Thanks Randi and Ricardo, you 2 are the best.
Next, in these past 10 years, I have graduated from college 4 times. I have a certificate of basic management skills, an associate degree in liberal arts, a bachelor degree in business administration, and finally a master degree in management/leadership. I even have contemplated my PhD. I think if I tried to do that, my other best friend and the best reader in the state of Texas, Megan, would murder me with just her thoughts! haha
I’ve got great parents, great parents in Taylor’s parents, and a great family on both sides.
So, while it does suck to be blind some days, and it even can be so frustrating that it makes me feel like I have steam coming out of my ears. I just have to remember all the good and it makes me feel a little bit better. You have to give a little to get a little, and I think I gave my eyesight for everything I have now. I’ll tell you this, and it made shock you all. I would do that trade every day of the week and twice on Sundays! 🙂
It really breaks my heart and exasperates me when people say “I don’t know how you do it. I think I would never recover from that.” or my personal favorite, “If I had lost my sight like that, I probably would have killed myself. My life would have been over.” That last one makes me grind my teeth, and really just makes me mad.
I have so much to be thankful for, and I can’t deny that I probably wouldn’t have any of it had it not been for a fateful day in May in 2006.
I have a job now, a fantastic boyfriend, family and friends. I couldn’t ask for more, that would just be greedy.
Next time something has you down, or you want to comment on someone else’s disadvantage, think about all the possibilities for good that could have or did come from that tradgedy or misfortune.
Not everything bad ends badly. Life is what you make it, and why not make your stay here as fun and enjoyable as possible?
I know I’m going to try, depression and anxiety be damned!
One thing hasn’t changed, I still think of others before myself, and I don’t think that is a bad thing. I think that’s a sign of good raising and good parents.
Ok, so that’s all I got. This has been therapeutic, and I’m moderately less sad than I was when I started writing.
Thanks for reading this far if you made it!
Leave a comment, or catch me on Twitter!
TaTa,
Amanda Ellen