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Posts Tagged ‘Love’

Book 15 in the 2014 booklist: Death Masks: The Dresden Files, Book 5 by Jim Butcher

Monday, February 20th, 2017

Finished: May 15
Rating: 5

Buy it on Audible!

This is book 5 in the Dresden Files series, and perhaps one of my favorite books. So much happens in this book that I can’t even begin to describe it without giving something away. I think it’s awesome that the Shroud of Turin is involved, that piece of history has always fascinated me! If you have made this far into the Dresden Files series, you probably know that James Marsters narration has gotten 100% better. I love, love this book.

TaTa,
Amanda Ellen

Book 12 in the 2014 booklist: Haunted on Bourbon Street by Deanna Chase

Wednesday, November 16th, 2016

Haunted on Bourbon Street by Deanna Chase

Finished: April 22

This book started out cheesy and stayed that way through the whole book. If you are into paranormal romance, then perhaps this series is for you.

I read the first 2 books in this series, but dropped it after that.

This series has witches, ghosts and magic to go along with romance and friendship. I thought the ghost angle was cool when I first read it, but looking back, it really was kind of cheesy.

On our new scale I give this book a 2.
**

Not something I’m dieing to read again, or just jumping up to recommend to my friends.

TaTa,
Amanda Ellen

I got the 10 Years Blues

Monday, May 23rd, 2016

Yep, first off, it’s been a while since I wrote here.. sorry about that.

2nd off, the reason I came back. 10 years, it’s really been 10 years. You might be asking what in the world am I prattling on about… the answer to your question could be found here.

If you don’t want to read a 4 year old post, I guess I could give you the skinny.

It was only 6 years when I wrote that post, and while not much has changed, a lot seems to have changed.

So, 10 years ago, I was wheeled into an operating room with promises of returning to “normal” for what that serves as a status quo for me then. Needless to say, that “normal” was never reached. When I woke up, I couldn’t see the details of the room around me, I couldn’t really even see where my parents were sitting at my bed side. It was terrifying, but I felt the need to stay calm for the sake of not freaking my parents out. That’s me, always thinking of everyone else first.

I was told not to worry, things just needed time to adjust, my vision would be back in a couple of weeks. I thought, “Ok, no big deal, I can handle this for a few weeks.”

Well, a few weeks turned into a couple of months, and then I finally got a doctor to tell me the truth no one else wanted to say to an 18 year old girl fresh out of high school. “What vision you have now is all you will ever have, and I can’t promise it won’t get worse over time.”

That was a gut punch that I couldn’t take like nothing happened. I broke down, right there in the doctor office, ugly crying and all. I was just 1 step away from hysteria. I think if I could have talked, I probably would have been hysterical, but thankfully, I had no words, only tears.

What do you say to that? How do you react? Is there a right or wrong thing to say or do? I don’t think so, but I’m a firm believer that everyone deals differently.

One thing that cheered me up and drove me crazy at the same time was people saying to me “You are taking this so well. You don’t even look down about the whole situation, that’s really amazing.”

How could I go around showing the world my devastation? What good would that have done? I had it in my head, the best way to deal with something is to accept it and move on. Something from a distantly remembered Proverb about not being able to change things out of your control… and yeah, this was waaay out of my control.

I felt it inspirational to me that people didn’t notice I was sad, devastated and utterly lost.

I’ll spare you and myself all the bad thoughts I had, and pushed aside because once again, “What good will that do?”. That thought, along with my feeling of responsibility to hold it together for my friends and family probably got me through the 2nd worst time in my life. I say 2nd, because even though I was a small girl when my dad died, that still has to be the worst experience, losing a parent.

I now want to move forward, sharing all the other stuff that’s happened since that fateful day in 2006.

As a result of that day, I realized where I made some less than stellar decisions and put myself on a course to fix that. That course wasn’t probably the best way to deal, but the end result was worth it I think.

As a result of that course, I found the love of my life, the person who completes me and makes me feel like the most special person in the world sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, we aren’t like star crossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet or anything, but that also will probably be the difference in mutual destruction and something that lasts a long, long time. I fell in love with Taylor Scott at a time in my life where that was the last thing I was looking for. Guess it’s true, you always get what you don’t expect when it is least expected.

He’s been my rock, my sounding board, my cheerleader, and most of all my voice of reason. I couldn’t ask for a better person to share my life with.

That’s probably the number 1 thing that has come out of the past 10 years.

Next has been the transitions I’ve experienced, losing some friends, making others. That was a real life lesson that everyone should experience I think. It is hard losing friends, and even harder making new ones. I think I can safely say that after Taylor, my 2 best friends are people I have never met. They exist strictly on the internet and over the phone, but I couldn’t ask for better people to put up with me and my crazy antics. Thanks Randi and Ricardo, you 2 are the best.

Next, in these past 10 years, I have graduated from college 4 times. I have a certificate of basic management skills, an associate degree in liberal arts, a bachelor degree in business administration, and finally a master degree in management/leadership. I even have contemplated my PhD. I think if I tried to do that, my other best friend and the best reader in the state of Texas, Megan, would murder me with just her thoughts! haha

I’ve got great parents, great parents in Taylor’s parents, and a great family on both sides.

So, while it does suck to be blind some days, and it even can be so frustrating that it makes me feel like I have steam coming out of my ears. I just have to remember all the good and it makes me feel a little bit better. You have to give a little to get a little, and I think I gave my eyesight for everything I have now. I’ll tell you this, and it made shock you all. I would do that trade every day of the week and twice on Sundays! 🙂

It really breaks my heart and exasperates me when people say “I don’t know how you do it. I think I would never recover from that.” or my personal favorite, “If I had lost my sight like that, I probably would have killed myself. My life would have been over.” That last one makes me grind my teeth, and really just makes me mad.

I have so much to be thankful for, and I can’t deny that I probably wouldn’t have any of it had it not been for a fateful day in May in 2006.

I have a job now, a fantastic boyfriend, family and friends. I couldn’t ask for more, that would just be greedy.

Next time something has you down, or you want to comment on someone else’s disadvantage, think about all the possibilities for good that could have or did come from that tradgedy or misfortune.

Not everything bad ends badly. Life is what you make it, and why not make your stay here as fun and enjoyable as possible?

I know I’m going to try, depression and anxiety be damned!

One thing hasn’t changed, I still think of others before myself, and I don’t think that is a bad thing. I think that’s a sign of good raising and good parents.

Ok, so that’s all I got. This has been therapeutic, and I’m moderately less sad than I was when I started writing.

Thanks for reading this far if you made it!

Leave a comment, or catch me on Twitter!

TaTa,
Amanda Ellen

Book 4 from the 2014 Booklist: Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Saturday, March 7th, 2015

Finished: February 4

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
**Edit**
Sorry to say, that if you want this book, you’ll have to do a search on Audible as it seems the version I purchased is no longer available.
Sorry!
-Amanda Ellen
****

This book is a guilty pleasure of mine. If you recall, back a few years ago Twilight was a big deal… and well, I really, really, really liked the Twilight series.

So much so, that I made note of the book Bella made many references to, in her plight between Edward and Jacob.

That was, you guessed it, Wuthering Heights.

I had it on my mental list of books to read, but never got around to it… always finding something else I knew would be funner to read.

Well, I’m glad I read this… because I really enjoyed it. It’s a hard book to read, because one, it’s really old, and 2, you really have to pay attention to what’s going on to follow the story.

I will now proceed to bombard this post with my favorite quotes:
“I wish you had sincerity enough to tell me whether Catherine would suffer greatly from his loss: the fear that she would restrains me. And there you see the distinction between our feelings: had he been in my place and I in his, though I hated him with a hatred that turned my life to gall, I never would have raised a hand against him. You may look incredulous, if you please! I never would have banished him from her society as long as she desired his. The moment her regard ceased, I could have torn his heart out, and drunk his blood! But, till then – if you don’t believe me, you don’t know me – till then, I would have died by inches before I touched a single hair of his head!” -Heathcliff

“You loved me-then what right had you to leave me? What right-answer me-for the poor fancy you felt for Linton? Because misery and degradation, and death, and nothing that God or Satan could inflict would have parted us, you, of your own will, did it. I have not broken your heart- you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine.” ~Heathcliff”

“And I pray one prayer–I repeat it till my tongue stiffens–Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living; you said I killed you–haunt me, then! The murdered DO haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts HAVE wandered on earth. Be with me always–take any form–drive me mad! only DO not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I CANNOT live without my life! I CANNOT live without my soul!” -Heathcliff

““It’s a rough journey, and a sad heart to travel it; and we must pass by Gimmerton Kirk, to go that journey! We’ve braved its ghosts often together, and dared each other to stand among the graves and ask them to come. But Heathcliff, if I dare you now, will you venture? If you do, I’ll keep you. I’ll not lie there by myself; they may bury me twelve feet deep, and throw the church down over me, but I won’t rest till you are with me. I never will!”
She paused, and resumed with a strange smile, “He’s considering-he’d rather I’d come to him! Find a way, then! not through that Kirkyard. You are slow! Be content, you always followed me!” Catherine

“I was only going to say that heaven did not seem to be my home; and I broke my heart with weeping to come back to earth; and the angels were so angry that they flung my out into the middle of the heath on the top of Wuthering Heights; where I woke sobbing for joy. That will do to explain my secret, as well as the other. I’ve no more business to marry Edgar Linton than I have to be in heaven; and if the wicked man in there had not brought Heathcliff so low, I shouldn’t have thought of it. It would degrade me to marry Heathcliff now; so he shall never know how I love him: and that, not because he’s handsome, but because he’s more myself than I am. What ever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same; and Linton’s is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire.’
Ere this speech ended, I became sensible of Heathcliff’s presence. Having noticed a slight movement, I turned my head, and saw him rise from the bench, and steal out noiselessly. He had listened till he heard Catherine say it would degrade her to marry him, and then he stayed to hear no further.” -Nelly

This is a love story, but these characters are so bad, horrible people… but you still have to awe the love they had for each other, and the lengths in which they went to try to make it work.

If you have the time and can follow closely, I suggest this book, it’s a great classic.

TaTa for Now,
Amanda Ellen

Dear God, I’m not Job!

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

*warning*
** This blog post is approximately 2,186 words or somewhere to close to 10 pages in MS Word… read at your own risk**
I titled this post “Dear God, I’m not Job!” for a reason. Today I found out that I have yet another condition to contend with within my body. I have hypothyroidism.

Before I get into that, let me give those of you not familiar with JOB and/or the bible story a summary…

Job is the bee’s knees. Really. He’s blameless and upright, and he has kids, a wife, land, and a bunch of sheep. Doesn’t get much better than that. Up in the heavens, God brags to the divine assembly about Job. Lo and behold, Satan comes out and challenges God on Job’s goodness. This can’t end well.

Back to the story. Satan tells God that, sure, Job loves God now, but takes away his earthly possessions and his children, and he will dump God in a New York minute. God agrees to the challenge, and Satan unleashes a force that kills all of Job’s family except his wife, kills his servants, and reduces his homes to dust. Ouch.

But guess what? Job remains loyal. He refuses to denounce God. Take that, Satan. God gets to back to bragging and Satan sets up another challenge. This time, God lets Satan give Job a nasty rash, boils, and blisters all over his body.

Now Job becomes a much less happy camper. After all, he was loyal to God, and look what happened. He doesn’t renounce God, but he does insist that he deserves some kind of explanation—wouldn’t you want one? His buddies Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar have an answer: it’s his fault. Hmmm.

Job isn’t quite satisfied with that explanation. Just in the nick of time, Elihu pops in to tell Job that he may not have sinned, but he still has no right to question his fate. After all, God’s universe is still endowed with immortal power. Bottom line: suck it up.

After much fretting and many speeches, God finally shows up. Why? For a scolding. Where was Job on the day the universe was created? Where was Job when God was designing the architecture of the seas and the continents? Where was Job when God invented Arrested Development?

Needless to say, Job feels a little humbled and acknowledges that, as a mere mortal, he can’t possibly understand everything in an immortally ruled universe. Taking Elihu’s advice, Job goes back to his day job, and eventually God gives him double what he had at the outset. Job lives to a ripe old age, and both God and Satan fade into the shadows.

Anyways, so yeah, I feel like Job. Let’s start off with my dad, killed in a car crash in 1994. Ok, I sort have dealt with that, almost 20 years after the fact. Then mom remarries… sounds fabulous doesn’t it? Except for that part where my life and family turns into a Jerry Springer show waiting to happen. My sister (step) loves the boys a little too much, and soon enough becomes a mommy before she graduates high school. Soon before the first baby was born, she was married to the baby’s father. Then almost a year later to the date, a 2nd baby comes along. I am 1 proud auntie! I love kids! I spoil them and love them and babysit for my sister all the time.
Then she divorces hubby #1, after he works his tail off to support her “lifestyle” that she thinks she needs to live, because she found a new boyfriend… soon after that she’s prego again. Baby #3!! Not complaining too much, once again I love kids!
Hubby #2 not that bright, but I can deal… I mean, he’s not my husband. So, that’s where she is now, and she’s happy, so more power to her.

Next we talk about my “brother” (step). I use the term brother loosely because I really don’t like him, not in the least. He is a cracked out, thieving, low life excuse of a person. He’s so far into drugs, he doesn’t know which way is up. Everyone has tried to help him, and he just doesn’t want to change. So, yeah, he breaks my step-dad (from here on out dad)’s heart. All he wants is his 1 son to do something with his life and not die early from a drug over dose. This is not likely to happen, given the transaction over Christmas… that’s a whole nother story in itself!

Anyways, I was a normal kid for the most part… I have had my medical and other types of issues along the way, but for the most part I have been pretty normal over the first 18 years of my life. I was a sickly child, always needing antibiotics, this procedure here, that doctor there… but hey I made it. Anyways, so went through my life being pretty cool with things… until 2006, the New Year after my 18th birthday. That’s when things really just hit the fan.

So, I guess it was February when I started to show serious signs of what I now know as hydrocephalus… have a Webpage about that.
At the time no one knew what was wrong with me; I must have had the flu… for 2 months…
Well, then my vision started to black out, I ran over lots of stuff and tore up 2 vehicles in the process. It is a wonder I did not seriously injure myself. So, yeah, that happened the 2nd semester of my senior year of high school. Then one of my favorite people dies in a tragic swimming accident. He was babysitting some kids; the little girl left her toy in the lake where they were swimming. He went to get it, got caught in a trot line… and drowned. For those unfamiliar with a trot line, have this .
I finally was able to find out my real problem sometime in May of 2006. I was directed to a neurosurgeon; I had my first shunt system put in, and was out of the hospital the day of my high school graduation.

Next we move to August of that year…
Another of my friends, actually, I jokingly called him my “favorite mechanic” because he did his best to fix my vehicles when I ran over everything so I wouldn’t have to tell my mom. Well, he was killed in a car accident, less than a mile from my house and about 5-10 minutes before my mother and I came up on the scene. I was traumatized to say the least. My neighbor, had been the one driving, and he was unharmed. Both of his passengers had been thrown from the truck despite seatbelts. One boy ended up with a punctured lung and some broken ribs, and my “favorite mechanic” had died from a broken neck.

Then I decided that I was 18 almost 19, it was time for me to try this whole moving out thing. I moved in with my boyfriend then of 5 almost 6 years. We rented a house with his sister and her boyfriend. That could’ve been my best and worst decision yet. Best because I got a full view of what I was getting into, worst because he beat the crap out of me before I left.

I was young and foolish, and accepted his marriage proposal without uttering a word to anyone about the abuse. I mean, I threatened him with a kitchen knife, and it wasn’t as bad as it had been… but once I moved to Austin for my blind rehab program, I realized that things would never be the same between us… and I had to get out.

I took precautions when I ended things with him, like making sure all of the appropriate staff knew to not let anyone know I was there and if someone came asking for me to clear it with me before telling them where I was.

Then, here’s where the story starts to turn around…

I went a little crazy in Austin. I had something to prove to myself and I did… there were still men that wanted me despite my “brokenness” or disability…

So, that abruptly ended when the boy I despised so much turned out to not be so bad after all….
Here’s the full story of how Taylor and I became a couple….
It was April 20, 2007 Taylor and I were not fans of each other… him because I was dating multiple guys and having fun… me because he was a grumpy, stuck up, “bad boy” that just knew how to get under my skin… and I didn’t like it.
The 20th that year happened to fall on a weekend. That weekend, we both were going home to visit our families… Me to east Texas, him to the little town SW of Ft. Worth…. Me on a Greyhound in the dead of night, him in a friend’s car. We both were due back on the 22…
So, on the 22 I come back via Greyhound, just for them to tell me that my luggage has been lost, and if I wait for the next bus coming in, it might be on it. So, I wait…
Still no luggage…
Maybe if I wait for this next bus it will be there, but that is like an hour from now. I realize I will most certainly die of boredom, and who do I call to keep me company at the bus station??

None other than Mr. Taylor “Elvis” himself. He grabs a cab and meets me at the bus station and we talk until the bus shows up… alas, my luggage isn’t on that bus either and the next bus won’t be in until 5 or 6 in the morning and it is now 7 or 8 in the evening.

Taylor and I catch a cab back to our apartments because the Greyhound supervisor assures me that my luggage will be delivered to me the next day. So, we get lost on our way home. The cabbie dropped us off on a street or 2 away from our apartment complex and we are lost.

Somehow, we find our way back, and we get ready to settle in for bed. By this time I realize that “Hey, I kind of like this guy… maybe he’s not too bad after all.” You know the usual girl hormones.

The next day, I am stuck at my apartment waiting for the Greyhound people to deliver my luggage, and Taylor waits with me in my apartment… This is now April 23, 2007 and Taylor and I become an “item” that day… and he we are, almost 7 years later still going! 

Now, that was my silver lining…
So, I end up meeting people when I move to Cleburne with Taylor after our 4 month love affair….
I start college as soon as I move here anxious to do something!

Now, I have been through college a couple of times over. I have an associate of liberal arts, a certificate of basic management skills, a bachelor of business administration, and working on my Master of science (management and leadership)….

I’m on the job hunt but I just can’t seem to stay healthy… my health does its own thing, and most of the time that thing is act poorly.

So, I can handle the hydrocephalus most of the time… now I have these weird non-fluid related headaches… fine, the neurologist I think has fixed those…
I’m also hypoglycemic (low blood sugar) which is probably because I’m fat, but hey, I’ve been told this has a good chance of being congenital…

So, I despite all of that, when I’m properly medicated, I thought I was a pretty active person… or not???

Today I found out I have hypothyroidism, which means that my thyroid doesn’t put out as much of my hormones as it should.
Have this info from the Mayo Clinic.

Basically, it sounds like scary stuff…
How would one get this you might ask?
Well, my prime suspect in the matter falls on my biological father’s mother. She has the same condition, and it is likely that I inherited this “condition”.
So, I want to say thank you, to the woman who wants/wanted nothing to do with me once my father died… thanks for giving me another pill to take… a constant battle with my weight due to lack of hormones, and God only knows what else will happen as time goes on.

So, dear God, I’m not Job… you might already know this since I got real mad at you back in 2006….

So, can I please have a break? I just want to have a normal semester and get through Graduate school relatively unscathed…

Signed,
Me (Amanda Ellen)

Anyways, this is a basic run down…
I’m finding it extremely hard to not be bitter, when I really have the right to be.
So, that’s all,
Thanks for reading if you made it this far!
-Amanda Ellen

P.S.
I wouldn’t change anything leading up to meeting Taylor, he means the world to me!
Sorry for the mushiness! 🙂

Book34 in the 2013 Booklist: Mockingjay, The Final Book of The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Thursday, December 19th, 2013

Finished: December 13
Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
This book was sadly the final book in this trilogy! I loved this trilogy so much I would marry it!
RO and Ricardo, you guys out did yourself on the book suggestion this time!

Against all odds, Katniss Everdeen has survived the Hunger Games twice. But now that she’s made it out of the bloody arena live, she’s still not safe. The Capitol is angry. The Capitol wants revenge….
Don’t read this post until you have read the first 2 books! 🙂
Poor Peeta, he made me extremely sad in this book, I actually cried!
I think this book covered any emotion I could express in the span of reading a book. Bravo Ms. Collins, Bravo!
I only wish that were more books, I want to escape and be the fly on the wall watching Catniss, Peeta, Gale…
Oh man, the characters!
I fell in love with this trilogy, it ranks with 50 Shades and the Dresden Files when it comes to my favorite series of books!
*swoon*
TaTa,
Amanda Ellen

Book 9 in the 2013 book list: A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

Monday, March 11th, 2013

Finished: March 11
A Tale of Two Cities & Great Expectations Audiobook by Charles Dickens
I have only read “A Tale of Two Cities” thus far, but this is the book I bought in an Audible sale a few months back.
I got in the mood for a classic, and no better classic than A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. I have to admit, it is a bit slow going in the beginning, but towards the midddle and end, it really sucks you in.
I had my favorite characters, and my characters I loved to hate. I will say this book isn’t for just anyone, it actually takes some intellegence to follow the plot and keep interest.
Seeing as I’m a literature minor, it was right up my alley. I read this book once before when I was a freshman in high school I think. I loved the book then, and I still like it as an adult today. My next read won’t be “Great Expectations” because Dickens is someone I can only do in small doses. Because of that I will go after some “junk food” reading that doesn’t require all that much thought to follow. Still deciding what book will be next.
Thinking about either “Defending Jacob” or maybe one of my books on my reread list.
Stay tuned to find out!
TaTa,
Amanda Ellen